Tori’s Writing Hole

We had our old fish for a long… long time. They were fancy goldfish, pretty, and some were here well before Julia. Then the fungus came. We lost two, and then a couple more… finally, with only two left (and after treating the tank) we decided to donate the fish to a store and revamp our tank.

Now we’re the proud owners of a tropical fish tank, which has several varieties of tiger barbs in it. I should post a pic here, but I don’t have a good one and damn I’m lazy. Trust me, it’s pretty.

This has been our focus for the last week or so, making sure the new fish play nice, and making a pretty space for them. Other than that? School starts next week for me and Stephen - online college. Pile the work on!

Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose blog. After Stumbling on it through various bored clicks, I started reading the back entries and I got sad. Really sad. I CAN’T accept my fat. I can’t get rid of it either, it seems. Yes, I’ve started a diet, yes, I’ve started doing as much exercise as this silly body can handle. But how bad is it that we have to have fat acceptance blogs?

If the majority of the country (US) is overweight, especially women, you would think that acceptance would come by majority rule. It doesn’t - the minority size 1s are the ideal, and we beat ourselves up about not being that skinny. There should be skinny blogs (not pro-anorexia) as the main portion of women have shifted to overweight.

I do know that fat acceptance is about obesity, and about the fact that people are shaped differently, but I just can’t believe that we need such a concept. If you have a problem with a race or religion, you can’t harp on them to change. But people who are fat are fair game.

Ugh, there’s just so much going on there. I want to be accepted, and accept myself. But should I? Or am I destroying my health?

Let’s face it, we all make excuses. I’m queen of excuses - I’m sick, depressed, busy - I make them all the time. Well, yesterday I decided to stop. I’m going to plow ahead, no matter what. (I hope I don’t end up wanting to eat these words, for my computer does not look tasty). I started a novel - it’s only one page of miscellaneous words, but it’s there. I’ve written four online articles in the past two days. I finally updated Wordpress and I feel like I’ve stopped avoiding writing.

I’m also taking pains to keep myself busy in the house - cleaning (yuk) playing with Julia and just generally not sitting and feeling sorry for myself.

I hope this works.

Not that things haven’t been happening in my life - heck, they must have been, if I’m not writing my blog. I’m just checking in, floating along in summertime sweaty-ness and trying to plan my next writing project.

I’ll update when I’ve got… an update.

Usually I’d freak at something with the suffix of -oma (tumor), but I’m so freaking happy about this word. It means my breast tumor is benign. While it’s not perfect - those who have fibroadenomas can have a higher risk of breast cancer later - it’s so, so much better than the alternative.

Phew. One more health crisis, averted, thanks to all of the love and support around me. Oh yeah, and luck.

Tags: breast cancer, tumor, benign