Tori’s Writing Hole

Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose blog. After Stumbling on it through various bored clicks, I started reading the back entries and I got sad. Really sad. I CAN’T accept my fat. I can’t get rid of it either, it seems. Yes, I’ve started a diet, yes, I’ve started doing as much exercise as this silly body can handle. But how bad is it that we have to have fat acceptance blogs?

If the majority of the country (US) is overweight, especially women, you would think that acceptance would come by majority rule. It doesn’t - the minority size 1s are the ideal, and we beat ourselves up about not being that skinny. There should be skinny blogs (not pro-anorexia) as the main portion of women have shifted to overweight.

I do know that fat acceptance is about obesity, and about the fact that people are shaped differently, but I just can’t believe that we need such a concept. If you have a problem with a race or religion, you can’t harp on them to change. But people who are fat are fair game.

Ugh, there’s just so much going on there. I want to be accepted, and accept myself. But should I? Or am I destroying my health?

well, at least of my writing life. Well, in this case it’s actually writing getting in the way of writing as well. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to find writing jobs. Unfortunately, this leaves me little time to write blogs and poetry and stories - what I want to do. Sigh. If only people would pay me to blather on and complain.

Julia’s developing like crazy into a wacky storyteller in her own right. Evidently, the star of her stories is a "real princess" named "Fishy". Not sure what her naming convention is - she’s got Smushy-smush the friend and has named her stuffed cat "Poof". At least they’re not all Sally or Mary or something.

We’ve learned more about Smushy - in case you were interested. She eats grass and drinks juice, she sleeps in the bed with Julia and she gets a bath when Julia washes her hands. I know you’ve been dying for an artist’s interpretation of what this creature looks like, so here you are - Julia’s Smushy-smush:

Tags: writing, mom, imaginary friend

I’m not good at it. Never have been really, I always asked for my presents early, be it Christmas or birthday… I just couldn’t wait another minute to find out what my present would be.

I’m worse now. They massacred my breast with a spring loaded needle that drove into my skin and took out samples. The lidocaine injection pre-op worked just on my skin, but not the tissue below. I feel like I was boob-punched. And of course, there was a mishap - a snagged needle on some breast fibers, which required a snip by the dr. Oh, sorry, that never happened before. Pffft.

So now I’m waiting. Thursday is the day. Dammit, I just want to be able to say that my boobies are free of cancer and that I can go on with my life. That is, until some other crisis causes me to freak out. I really wasn’t lucky in the health department. Kid department, hubby department, sure… but health, aw, hell no.

Crossing fingers and toes, and waiting.

Tags: cancer, boob, procedure

Right breast. Two sets of mammograms. 1cm tumor. Needle biopsy on June 17.

Seeing the facts on paper, black and white - horrid. I’m 29.

Benign is my watchword.

Praying to the gods and goddesses, everything will be ok.

It has to be.

Tags: tumor, breast

sometimes, it seems like all I need to do is vent. There are just more evils in this world than good happy things, and I can’t stand that anymore. I worry.

Life’s thrown me another curve ball - no reason to post exactly what yet, but it’s a shocker. The stress is making my other illnesses worse, and pretty much put my life at a standstill. Even though it’s only been a week, it feels like a year of waiting.

Gas prices make me feel like puking. Serious puking. I dreamed that they went up to $7 overnight, and that isn’t even that off the mark. At over $4.09 a gallon, I can see it happening. And while I’m glad that we drive a teensy, fuel efficient Ford Focus, I still wish we had a hybrid. I bet many, many people do right now.

Politics - another pukey thought. Hillary, just concede to Obama. Obama, for the love of God, win. Please. We need change, and another Republican isn’t the way. CHANGE. Your motto - make it happen.

Hmm, what haven’t I covered? Religion? UFOs? Bugs that fly up your nose as you open the screen door, making you sneeze and inadvertently swallow the bug? I kid, but not really.

Hopefully, life will stop being so darn curvy soon.

Tags: illness, gas, politics