Tori’s Writing Hole

I guess it stands to reason. Not everything I write is good - not everything I photograph is perfecto either. But I take a certain pride in being able to turn butter, sugar, eggs and miscellany into something yummy. Unfortunately, in the case of the elusive Butter Horn (just a sample recipe, not the one I used) I am unable to produce anything even remotely yummy. Icky, that might be the word I’m looking for. These cookies were some of my mom’s favorites as a child, and when her mom died at a young age, Mom was unable to learn the recipe and techniques that made them so great.

Over the last few years, I’ve tried twice, with separate recipes to make these treats. Both times, I’ve ended up with a sodden mess of tasteless, yeasty cookies whose pictures, below, scare me. Curls of bad pie crust with bad filling, just bad. Yesterday’s attempt fared no better than the year before.

I am no master baker, I am no perfect poet, I am no great genius. I will probably throw these cookies out. But I will keep baking, writing and learning.

Oh, and looking for a really, really good cocoa based brownie recipe (a recipe that was so good I didn’t get to take pictures) - try these by Alice Medrich from Epicurious: Best Cocoa Brownies

Technorati Tags: baking, poetry, brownies

I don’t know if I like it. I mean, yeah, stability’s a good thing. Keeps us (in the regal sense) from smashing glasses and slashing wrists (I kid), but I’m different in ways I can’t explain. I’m not me anymore, but I am, but I’m not. My poetry’s different - my interactions are different. People like me - people DON’T like me. I can’t tell if my “new” personality is who I should be or who the meds think I should be.

I like it - like speaking my mind, like being less conformist to those who I really, really, really want to like me. I’ve stopped chameleoning as much. But I still want you to like me - just who I am when I’m not putting on the afraid face and the eager nod. K?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve recovered from something really big and I want a shiny gold star but no one’s going to give that star because they really deserve it - they’re the ones who put up with me.

Technorati Tags: medication, poetry, blah blah blah

Well, I’ve given up. No, I usually don’t give up this fast, it’s extenuating circumstances. I will not be able to write a novel this month. Or even 50,000 words. And for my own sanity, I’ve decided trying will not be a good idea. It will probably cause my head to explode. NaNoWriMo will need to wait another year - for a year when I’m not trying to battle mental illness, return to college studies, freelance write and be a stay at home mom. Oh, and occasionally write short fiction or poetry as well. When will that be? I hope next year. But I’ve got to focus on less far-off tasks before that - like making it through the holiday season without murdering someone in a shopping mall parking lot.

Technorati Tags: writing, nanowrimo, mom, college